Simply Being Available

“God is looking for availability not ability”. That’s a statement that I’ve held on to since I first heard it. That statement is proving to be true in my life right now. My constant prayer here has been that God would empty me of myself & fill me with Him in order to use me for His purposes. Since we’ve been involved in ministry here the pattern of my life has been that I get chosen to do things I have zero experience in or am uncomfortable doing. First it was teaching a Bible study at the hair salon, and then doing a VBS, praying with the women at the Rabuna Fi ministry, and today it happened again…twice. First, this morning we went to a school in Kibera slum to teach CRE (Christian Religion Education). Our church has the privilege of supplying the teachers for the CRE’s and next week we’ll be taking over the teaching to give the current teachers a break. Today was to be an observation day only. As of this morning I had only taught the Bible twice in my life and only once to children; so I felt observation was necessary. However God didn’t think so.  

School in Kibera

 As soon as I walked in to the shabby school room Freddy tells me that I’m teaching. My response was, “No I’m not, I was told not until next week.” Freddy says, “That’s ok you can do it just teach them any story from the Bible,” with a big smile on his face. In a rather stern voice I replied, “No I’m not teaching today I’ve never done this before, I don’t know any stories to teach”.  After a few minutes of conversing back in forth like this and pleading with him not to make me teach, I was on the verge of tears because I was so frustrated and nervous. I could not believe what was happening and I seriously considered walking out. All I could think was “you’ve got to be kidding me!” I started praying and at that point I realized that this was probably the Lord trying to grow me. Really God…why?!? I was pleading to God to help me and I prayed that if I was going to teach He would have to empower me to do it because I had nothing to give. So I decided I needed to step up to the challenge because I will never grow if I shy away. I apologized to Freddy and told him that I would teach if he wanted me to but he would have to help me out. I taught “The Good Samaritan” parable because it was the only one I was familiar with having just taught it at the VBS; Freddy chimed when I needed him to. I finished up with praying for the kids it was over before I knew it. Walking out of the school house I couldn’t help but laugh because of what the Lord had just done to me.

Women's Ministry Bible study

Then, later on in the afternoon I taught 1 John 2:1-15. I shared a little of my testimony about how I used to live with a boyfriend but once I became a Christian I decided to live the way God commands us to. As I mentioned before, about 90% of the women in this ministry live with their boyfriends. I finished my study about a 1/2 hr. early and I was a little nervous because I didn’t know what else to do to fill the time. I asked if there were any questions and thankfully a lady asked me advice on how to get out of a “come in stay” (having a live-in boyfriend) situation. All I could do was explain to her how I was able to get out of my situation but I knew they were going to have a hard time receiving my advice because of the cultural differences. Of course she explained that it’s not that easy for them because they have children, no job, and other cultural issues. I couldn’t argue with her because the reality is I don’t have it as hard as them. But still, culture is no excuse because God’s Word supersedes culture. I found myself again empty of anything I could give and I once again absolutely had to rely on the Lord to work through me. And He did, as well as through my sisters Anna-Marie and Christina. We ended up having a long discussion regarding the issue of “come in stay” relationships. I felt the women received it well and left the study somewhat encouraged to possibly take the step of faith to change their living situation. Again, God proved to me that He is faithful. I’m starting to come to the understanding that God is answering my prayer of being emptied of myself so that I have to rely on Him. Naseima (Arie’s wife) told me just last night that God has me exactly where He wants me; in absolute reliance on Him. She said that’s the only time when God can do His full work in us and through us and it’s awesome when we allow Him to do that. It is awesome!

Oh yeah, today I was also volunteered by Natasha to play the djembe drum for the worship team, just because…you know… I’ve never played it before! Whatever you have for me Lord!



Natasha & me during worship practice