Crazy Love

The internet has been down for 2 weeks so we’ve been unable to communicate with home. We just arrived in Juba (capital of the South Sudan). We are doing 2 women’s conferences here teaching the book of 1 Peter. I’ll be here until Saturday then we’ll go back to Nimule. I’ll be posting updates all week taking advantage of the internet while we have it!

I want to share with you what God has done in me the past couple of days because, well…I can’t contain in. This pass week we’ve been doing business as usual, women’s ministry, helping chaplains with Sunday school & book discussions. We also have 3 pastors visiting here from Las Vegas teaching the chaplains.

The other night we were discussing a book that we’re reading called Soul Winner. In our discussion we were sharing that when we’re in Africa or on a mission trip we have no problem sharing Christ with people but when we go back home it’s like we turn off and we no longer find it necessary or appealing to share Christ. Mostly because we’re afraid of what people will think of us. Vicky just didn’t understand why we do that, she said if you love God how does that love or desire to talk about Him change with geographical location? She said the same God that you’re experiencing here right now is the same God when you go home. It’s the same Holy Spirit that gives us the words to share. I was so challenged by her observation, but it was the truth. I felt ashamed, like a fraud almost. Why is it that I can come here and share Christ to anyone and everyone who doesn’t know Him? Yet in America, I run from the opportunity because I’m afraid of being judged; as if the Africans’ opinion of me doesn’t matter but Americans’ do. Since then I have bringing that same question before God. I’ve been praying that when I do get home I don’t retreat to lukewarm Christianity. Since that night Vicky has sensed a cloud over our spiritual life so she gave us a day off to get refueled in the Lord. I chose to spend mine holed up in my room with my Bible, journal, I-Pod, and Crazy Love audio book. God met me in such a sweet way. My hang up is that I don’t fully understand how great His love is for me; consequently my love for Him is held up. In hours of seeking Him I started to have more of an understanding of that agapeo love He has for me and everyone for that matter. As I listened to songs about how He knows me and created me, listened to Crazy Love talk about how He knew me before He formed me (Jer.1:5) I was spurred to read and meditated on Jeremiah 1:4-10. Back in Uganda when Vicky heard me teach for the first time she gave me the verse Jeremiah 1:9 (Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: “Behold, I have put My words in your mouth...) to hold on to because I shared with her my fear of teaching the Bible. This fear of feeling so unqualified to teach the Bible has been looming over me since the beginning and she has encouraged me to let it go. In all my seeking trying to understand God’s love, He’s telling me “I chose you for such a time as this”. I’m not qualified to teach the Bible or worthy enough to be in Africa sharing the Gospel. But because of His crazy love for me and because He is that great of a God, He has blessed me and decided to use me in spite of who I am outside of Him. As I looked back on all the wild, crazy, terrible things I’ve done in my life, His love became more and more real to me. I was lying on my bed, my heart began to beat fast and all I wanted to do was jump up and share this God with someone. Then it clicked, it should be the love we have for Him that compels one to share about Him. John Piper says that the goal of the church should be to worship God and our worship and our love for God should fuel missions. I get it now. I should share Christ with all people not only because He commands us to but because I can’t contain my love for Him. I haven’t fully grasped the magnitude of His love and I don’t think I ever will but I took a forward step in my comprehension. I want to tell you that God has this intense love for you too. This may be hard for some of you to understand I know, because I was right there along with you. But He does, He says so in the His Book and He wants to use you despite of what you’ve done in the past and your abilities or lack thereof. Think about that, God who created the universe loves you and He didn’t create you by accident. This relationship with Jesus isn’t reserved just for me or just for missionaries, it’s for everyone who desires to know Jesus intimately. I want to encourage you to seek out Christ if you don’t know Him and for those of you who do, go deeper. God has a treasure chest waiting for you but it’s out in the deep. You gotta walk out there and get your treasure. It’s uncomfortable at times and you’re gonna want to retreat but God will be holding your hand as you’re walking. I know this because I’m heading out further into the deep day by day.

Here are a few pictures of my bedroom & some fun pictures of the chaplains that are in training here on the compund. They are such awesome guys & I so enjoy being around them everyday.

My bedroom

Sunday school teachers

Having fun w/ a few chaplains! Chief, Moses, Peter & Mbarak